Intern knowledge-giving letter

Hi there, public,
this is a letter, verbatim, that I am passing on to my next-of-intern at Northwest Airlines. I apologize for the unusually clean content, but this IS an internal communications vehicle, and, as such, can't contain the edginess you have come to expect for Expanding Horizons, but I hope you still enjoy it.


New Intern,

I would like to take this moment to pause and reflect on all the internly things I have done at this internship, and to let you know, dear intern, that things will likely be equally interney for you here. So congratulations on that.

The fact that I will probably never see the fruits of this labor (I am moving to FL to escape this ridiculously cold weather) does not hinder me at all in this endeavor, and that is called self-motivation—which brings us to our first lesson. Self motivation is very important in this internship as it allows you to function without the constant help and support of your editor, Mr. Scott Fagerstrom (you’ll have to excuse the timeliness of this letter if Scotto is no longer around). See, you may find yourself wondering if it is all worth it when you are sitting around sometimes with nothing to do, but then you have to consider the fact that when you do get things to accomplish, they will probably come in Mongol hoards and be due yesterday, and you will be so overwhelmed that you will long for those times when you had a second to think. So remember: cherish your down time and try to find as many things as possible to keep yourself busy.

Next point, be sure to keep busy. I don’t say this for the good of Northwest Airlines—although I have only the company’s best interest at heart—I say this because it will help you get through the day. Sometimes cubicle life can get pretty boring, and the best way to ensure you don’t hang yourself with your mouse cord is to immerse yourself in work. Oh man, I just got a strawberry seed out of my tooth and it feels great!!!

So anyway, this handy little intern bible (or Koran, or Sudoku book; whatever you prefer) will help successfully navigate the epic obstacles that surround you at all times when in Building A. Some topics: the cafeteria, finding other buildings, uploading Newswire, uploading ePassages, accessing voicemail, not drooling while you sleep at your cube, etc.

So, from me to you, enjoy the Intern Alpha handbook (everything sounds cooler when you throw an “alpha” in!).

-Former Intern

p.s. all the info for which I have electronic copies will be in the k/common/passages/miscellaneous. If you don’t currently know what this is, you soon will!!