'Minton in D-Town with some Premium kegeration

Here’s the thing: How do you have as much fun in a weekend in the town of Duluth, MN (AKA Backwater BFE) as you have had almost anywhere in the world? First thing, you need to make sure you attended school at UMD for at least one year and received one or more underage consumption tickets in said town. This allows you to have fond memories of the city and will make you relish even more in the fact that you can drink as much as you want when you go there now.

Second thing is a badminton court. This is absolutely essential. You must play on it for a continuous six hours and make sure you school your buddies like it ain’t no thang! That’s right Groad and Corey, you guys are Freshy McRookies.

Then you must have a kegerator with a constant supply of CO2-pumped Premium GrainBelt flowing like the Mighty Lake Superior only a stone’s throw away. Top this off with two days of blue-skyed goodness and a Superior strip club (that was anything but superior), and you have the makings of a grandiose weekend of cyclopean proportions.

The first thing to be discussed will be the badminton court. To set the record straight, I never lost a game when the court was painted and regulation size. Now, I am all for unfair play and I am a cheater by nature, but when it comes to ‘minton, I put the ass in biznass and the drool in rools--I take this game way too seriously. Before the court was painted, Roady made a career out of getting caught up in the boundary ropes because the concept of having two small pieces of rubber on the bottom of his feet (shoes) was completely foreign to his Groady brain and he claimed a lackluster victory. After the court was painted, however, the domination could begin. We played game after game after game—real barn burners—from the early afternoon under water-blue skies to the wee hours under the pale glow of motion lights; the battles raged on. Digits were lost. People laughed, cried, bled, and answered their CELL PHONES! That’s right, Corey, some things are just inexcusable and unforgettable. And through it all there was the Beer.

I capitalize the word because it was like another guest at the house that night and it deserves a proper name. It probably comported itself better than all of us, and it deserves its proper respect. Now that’s not to say it wasn’t cheap, hangover-making swill, but what the hell, it was in a kegerator! If anyone isn’t familiar with this device, it is a CO2-driven keg nestled in a nice cool refrigerator with a tap coming out of the door, allowing for a perfect pour and that bar-like feel in the comfort of your own home. We had frosty mugs bigger than Nalgenes, and despite double-fisted endeavors (wow, that one could be misconstrued), we just couldn’t empty the Little Keg that Could. After the darts, ‘minton, brats, and beer, it was time to head downtown thanks to our benevolent sober cab: The Groad.

We scoured the bars in search of female life forms, but there was nothing happening in the entire town of Duluth. And what does one do in this situation but persevere and move over to Superior, WI. We checked out Frankie’s (famous for dollar shots and famously bad karaoke) and found more of the same so we made the bold decision to point in the direction of the strip clubs. After walking for what seemed like forever (it was probably the anticipation after not having been to a strip club in about three years), we finally rounded the corner into the strip club without a cover. Big mistake. Things never to do: get out of a helicopter uphill, run on a barge, and go to a strip club that doesn’t have a cover. There are reasons it doesn’t have a cover, but it is hard to resist the urge to go in and see how things are going in there. Just a little peek to make sure we weren't getting ripped off.

I tell you now, you must resist.

We walked in and immediately turned around to walk out. They were probably insulted, but I say they insulted us! So anyway, then we went to Centerfolds and dropped the five dollars for cover and had an “interesting” remainder of our night. I will spare the details, but will give you an example of the quality of this place, and I suppose, by default you will understand the amazingly sub-par quality of the first place as well.

Example: Corey bought beers for he and I and they came to $7.50 for four Leines. That’s it. That’s all you need to know right there.

So after some ‘minton the next morning to secure my legacy, a bit of breakfast and some denting at the beach, life was pretty good and we were on our marry way back to civilization. That is the recipe for a great weekend in Duluth, MN, and I recommend you repeat it as many times as possible.